When Feedback Feels Personal at Work

I have spent almost 25 years working in marketing, and if there is one thing this career teaches you, it is people. Campaigns change, tools evolve, platforms come and go, but human behavior stays at the center of everything we do.

Over the years, I have worked with many personalities. Creative minds, analytical thinkers, strong leaders, sensitive team members, difficult characters, quiet high performers, and very vocal ones. I have dealt with pressure, deadlines, big wins, public criticism, and internal disagreements. I can honestly say I have seen almost everything. At least, I hope so.

My interest in this topic is not coming from a gender perspective. I am not looking at this as a women issue or a men issue. I am looking at it purely from a human and professional perspective. While I studied Journalism and Integrated Marketing Communications, I minored in psychology and took many psychology courses simply because I wanted to better understand how people think, react, and perform in work environments.

One pattern I have consistently noticed is how feedback is given and how often it feels like orders rather than guidance. When feedback is delivered in a commanding or harsh way, people naturally become defensive. This reaction has nothing to do with gender. It has everything to do with tone, respect, and the way messages are communicated.

I have also learned that being mean at work is never effective. Harsh language, sarcasm, or criticism do not create strong teams. They create fear and silence. And fear does not lead to better performance.

Good feedback feels like a conversation. It is clear, direct, and respectful. It focuses on the work, not the person. When people understand the why behind feedback, they are more open to listening and improving.

After many years in the workplace, one thing is clear to me. Feedback should help people grow, not make them feel small. This is not about being soft. It is about being professional. When feedback is delivered well, it stops feeling personal and starts serving its real purpose.